


The Issue of Knighthood

by evaelisaa



Series: Knight Merlin [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, First Kiss, Knight Merlin (Merlin), M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Mutual Pining, Post-Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28917144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evaelisaa/pseuds/evaelisaa
Summary: Arthur offers Merlin knighthood (he has his reasons), but Merlin declines (he also has his reasons).
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Knight Merlin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120886
Comments: 41
Kudos: 419
Collections: Merlin Bingo





	The Issue of Knighthood

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after the series 4 finale, but we’re assuming the reconciliation between Arthur and Gwen did not happen.
> 
> Thank you to Elirwen for the idea to write about knight!Merlin and for coming up with the title for this fic!
> 
> Written for Merlin Bingo prompt “Angst”.

“A knight? You want me to become a knight? Yeah, right, no thanks,” Merlin scoffs and continues making the bed, fluffing the pillows, like nothing out of the ordinary just happened.

Arthur offered Merlin knighthood. And Merlin declined. Merlin declined knighthood. Why? Why doesn’t he want to be a knight? Being a knight would mean better pay, higher social status. Those are all good things, right? Why would Merlin rather stay on as his manservant?

“You don’t want to be a knight?” is all Arthur manages to say, too dumbfounded to think of anything more eloquent.

“No, why would I? It would just mean I have to join those daily training sessions of yours and get beaten up with a sword even more often. Or gods forbid the mace again! No thank you. I think I’ll pass.”

Merlin walks around the bed to pick up some discarded clothing.

Arthur is at a loss for words. This is not part of the plan. This is not what he envisioned when he thought about offering Merlin knighthood. Because who would want to stay a servant when they got offered the chance to become a knight?

“I offer you knighthood, but you’d rather stay a servant?”

“Yes,” Merlin simply nods, chucking the laundry into a basket.

“Why?” Arthur drawls, unable to get over his current dumbfounded state of mind.

“I told you. Because I don’t care so much for being pummeled to the ground with various weapons.” Merlin picks up the basket and turns to look at Arthur. “Is there anything else you need, my lord?”

“No,” Arthur shakes his head and the moment Merlin is out the door, he sinks down on a chair, still utterly dumbfounded.

There goes his plan. His plan to knight Merlin. The plan to knight Merlin so he could eventually, possibly, court the man.

The realisation of how Arthur feels about Merlin came when he saw Isolde die in her lover’s arms. In that moment Arthur realised he’d do anything in his power to keep Merlin alive, to never have to watch him die like Tristan watched the love of his life die. The thought caught him off guard, because he always thought he’d end up with Guinevere. Yet, it wasn’t Guinevere he thought of in that moment, it was Merlin. Merlin, who always stands by him, who dares challenge him if he thinks Arthur is about to make a wrong decision and who continues standing by him whether he changes his mind in those moments or not. Merlin, who is mostly an idiot and who is the worst manservant ever, but who also has the most amazing smile, and a playful twinkle in his eyes when he’s messing with Arthur. Yes, Merlin is the only person Arthur dares to be himself around. When he’s with Merlin, he doesn’t have to be Arthur, king of Camelot, he can just be Arthur, the man. Merlin doesn’t judge him for who he is or what he does. He’s there, always. And he offers advice when Arthur needs it the most.

And in that moment, the moment he thought of Merlin instead of Guinevere, Arthur realised he liked – really liked – the idea of Merlin as his friend, his lover, his consort.

So, even though he doesn’t actually know if Merlin feels the same, Arthur started thinking of a plan, a plan to have it socially acceptable to court Merlin. He knew that courting his manservant would be frowned upon. He courted Guinevere, who is also a servant, but courting his own manservant was a bit _too_ close to home. And that’s how Arthur came up with the plan to knight Merlin. The king courting a knight would definitely be more socially acceptable. And the more he thought about it, the more he realised Merlin would make a decent knight anyway.

Just like all his knights, Merlin is brave – he does everything in his power to help people in need, even if that puts himself in harm’s way – and though he might not be as skilled with a sword, or any other weapon, Merlin knows the basics and Arthur is sure that with some training Merlin could become just as good. Merlin is also trustworthy – even if he’s an idiot and sometimes disappears to gods know where for no good reason – he’s always there when Arthur really needs him. He’s always been at Arthur’s side during every battle they fought.

So, offering Merlin knighthood seemed like the perfect plan. Merlin would become a knight, Arthur would wait a decent amount of time before asking Merlin permission to court him – because, one, he can’t have anyone thinking the king knighted his manservant just to court him, and two, he first has to find out if Merlin feels (or could feel) the same way. But, even if Merlin doesn’t feel the same way, he deserves to be more than a servant. He deserves to be a knight.

Yes, Arthur would miss Merlin if he wouldn’t be his servant anymore – and if he also wouldn’t be interested in being courted. But even if the plan started out because of something Arthur wants, in the end it’s what’s best for Merlin, what Merlin deserves.

But then Merlin declines Arthur’s offer for knighthood. He declines! And Arthur’s plan falls to pieces.

He needs a new plan.

oOo

Merlin walks through one corridor after the other on his way to the laundry room to drop off the king’s laundry.

A knight. Arthur wants to make him a knight. What a ridiculous thought. Merlin as a knight, now that would be a sight.

Merlin shakes his head in disbelief. The ideas that man comes up with sometimes.

His steps falter when a realisation hits him. Arthur doesn’t want him as his manservant anymore, is that it? Is that why he wants Merlin to become a knight? He wants Merlin gone? Because when he’s a knight, he definitely won’t be frequenting the king’s chambers anymore. Did he do something wrong? Why would Arthur want to get rid of him? And why make him a knight? Wasn’t it a better idea to make him the court physician’s apprentice or something? He kind of was that already anyway. He could just be that full time. Gaius definitely would not mind.

So, Arthur wants him gone?

Merlin is not going to let that happen. He doesn’t want to be away from Arthur. He needs to be around to make sure the prat doesn’t do anything stupid and gets himself killed – the situations that idiot manages to get into!

He would still be able to protect the king as a knight – at least when he’s allowed to join the king on his outings. Not all knights go on all the outings the king undertakes. Arthur might decide not to bring him along anymore.

As the king’s manservant, Merlin gets to tag along on every trip – someone’s got to dress and feed the king, right? But as a knight, he wouldn’t be needed by the king anymore. And if Arthur really wants him gone, he isn’t going to take Merlin on his outings anymore, is he?

When Merlin realises he’s still holding the laundry basket, he wills his legs back into motion and continues towards the laundry room, in the meantime thinking of ways to prevent Arthur from sacking him.

He just has to prevent Arthur from actually telling him he doesn’t want Merlin as his manservant anymore. He’ll just talk a lot then – at least until the inevitable ‘shut up, Merlin’ comes. What he’ll do after that? No idea yet, but Merlin will find a way. He _has_ to find a way to not be sent away. He doesn’t even want to think about someone else waking the king, dressing the king, getting the king’s bath ready, ... The king is his, and his alone.

Merlin stops in his tracks.

Where did that thought come from? The king, his? No, he isn’t, is he? Arthur is his king, his friend, but Arthur will never be _his_. Arthur is the king, Merlin his servant and that’s all they’ll ever be.

With a heavy sigh Merlin starts walking again.

He doesn’t want to leave his position, even though being a knight would have lots of advantages he doesn’t have now – less cleaning for one – but he wouldn’t be the one to wake the king anymore, to get him ready for bed and everything in between. He wouldn’t be the one spending most of his time with the king. Merlin wants that time with Arthur, even when he knows their friendship – if that’s even what it is – won’t ever be more than that. As a knight he wouldn’t be able to spend the same amount of time in Arthur’s presence and Merlin doesn’t want that – definitely not for the most part because someone else gets to see the king halfnaked on a daily basis. Definitely not, no.

Merlin finally walks into the laundry room. He greets the laundresses and deposits the basket with the king’s laundry on its designated spot, before heading outside, to the forest. He needs time to think before facing Arthur again. Time to get his thoughts straight – time to get his thoughts away from a naked Arthur.

oOo

Arthur has been training with his knights the entire morning already. They’re practicing advanced techniques on targets before trying them against each other.

Merlin is sitting next to the training field, cleaning shields and swords and anything else they use during training. He glances up occasionally to look at the training – though Arthur likes to think Merlin always glances in his direction. A man can dream, right?

Suddenly Arthur gets an idea. A new plan.

“Merlin!” he shouts and the man looks up from cleaning a particularly stubborn spot on one of the shields. “Come here.”

“What for?” Merlin asks.

“Just come here, will you?”

Merlin rolls his eyes, but stands up and heads towards Arthur.

“Take a sword with you!”

Merlin makes a gesture that definitely means ‘are you serious?’ before turning around and fetching one of the clean swords.

“Now what?” he asks when he’s close to Arthur.

“Hit the target,” Arthur says.

“What?”

“Hit the target.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

“I’m not going to be a knight.”

“I know,” Arthur says – though he still strongly hopes Merlin will change his mind. “But since you’re going everywhere with me anyway, it’s time to learn how to use a sword. So, hit the target.”

“I know how to use–”

“Properly,” Arthur interrupts Merlin. “Hit the target.”

“Why do I need to use a sword _properly_ if I’m not going to be a knight?”

“If you want to continue tagging along on my outings, I expect you to train your sword skills from now on.”

“So, what? If I don’t train, I don’t get to come with you anymore?”

“Exactly.”

Merlin looks disbelievingly at him for several moments. The ‘are you serious?’ expression making an appearance once more. He eventually rolls his eyes again, but then does as he’s told. Arthur can’t suppress the victorious smile creeping onto his face. He’s glad he guessed right, that Merlin would do anything to continue joining him on trips.

Merlin hits the target and Arthur corrects his stance, his hold on the sword, the way he swings the sword. When Arthur is satisfied about Merlin’s technique he tells the man to grab a shield and practice against him.

“Are you serious? It’s not enough for me to swing at the target?”

“No,” Arthur says. “If you are to learn how to fight properly, you should fight against an actual opponent too.”

Merlin grumbles something under his breath, something about how he doesn’t want to be beaten up with a sword more than he already is and that _that_ is exactly why he doesn’t want to be a knight, but he goes and fetches a shield anyway.

Arthur holds back, watches Merlin closely, tells him again how to fix his stance, what to look for in an opponent, signs of weaknesses, signs that tell you your opponent is about to strike.

Merlin obviously isn’t particularly happy Arthur makes him do all this, but he does listen, he applies what Arthur tells him and he is definitely a bit better at using a sword than he was at the beginning of training.

“That could’ve been worse,” Arthur says at the end of training.

“Could’ve been worse? Gee, thanks. You definitely know how to give a compliment,” Merlin mutters.

“Yes, it was adequate, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement, Mer _lin_. So I expect you here at tomorrow’s training as well.”

“You’re kidding, right? You’re not kidding,” Merlin sighs as he looks at Arthur. “Are you saying I am now supposed to do my chores _and_ join your daily training?”

“Yes,” Arthur nods. “If you want to continue coming along on outings anyway. Or you could just accept the knighthood and then you don’t have to do your chores anymore.”

Merlin grumbles something unintelligible and Arthur smiles, because he’s pretty sure he has found a way to convince Merlin to accept the knighthood anyway. If he adds knight training to everything else Merlin is already expected to do, Merlin might decide to just become a knight so he can lessen his workload.

Arthur can’t stop smiling as he watches a grumbling Merlin put away everything they used in training.

oOo

Merlin heads towards the training fields, carrying the king’s armour and sword in his arms.

The council meeting should be over by now, so the knight’s training will soon start and the king needs his weaponry, doesn’t he? A day like any other – except it isn’t.

Merlin still hopes Arthur was joking when he said Merlin should join every training from now on, but he fears his hopes will be squashed down soon enough.

He enters the small armoury next to the training fields to find Arthur already there.

“Ah, there you are,” he says as he notices Merlin.

“Here I am,” Merlin reacts and deposits the armour and sword on the table in the middle of the room. Without another word he starts helping his king into his armour.

“Now you,” Arthur says when everything is on.

“What?” Merlin squeaks. “Now me what?”

“You’ll be able to train better if you have armour on too,” Arthur says and walks away to collect some of the armour pieces that are used by knights-in-training who don’t have their own armour yet.

“You really were serious,” Merlin sighs. The man really wants Merlin to train with the knights every day from now on. Why does this man desperately want him to be a knight? Arthur never complained about Merlin being his manservant – well, he did, a lot actually, but he didn’t get rid of him yet, did he? So why now?

“Off,” Arthur gestures to Merlin’s jacket.

Merlin does what he’s told, knowing Arthur well enough by now to know he won’t gain anything by arguing – and, maybe, if he does this without complaining, Arthur won’t sack him and he can stay the king’s manservant after all.

“This too.” Arthur flicks Merlin’s neckerchief, causing the fabric to hit him in the face.

Merlin throws the piece of cloth onto his jacket and puts on the padded jacket that goes underneath the chain mail. Arthur helps him strap on everything else – which is nice, because it’s one thing to get someone into armour, it’s another to try and get yourself into armour. It’s definitely not also nice because it means Arthur is standing close to him, so close he can almost feel the warmth radiating from his body. It’s definitely not also nice because of that, no.

“Is this just some kind of ploy to get me to accept that knighthood?”

“Is it working?” Merlin can _hear_ Arthur’s grin while the man fastens the armour’s straps on his back.

“What’s wrong with me being your manservant?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why do you want me gone?”

“I don’t want you gone–” Arthur starts, then hesitates.

Merlin waits a few moments for Arthur to continue. When he doesn’t say anything else, it’s Merlin who breaks the silence. “You don’t want me gone? Then why do you want me to become a knight? I don’t want to be a knight. I’m fine with being your servant.” He turns around when Arthur’s hands let go of the final strap. He wants to look at Arthur’s face while asking these questions, while, hopefully, getting some answers.

“You’d get a seat at the round table,” Arthur then answers, looking Merlin straight in the eye. “You could give your advice in public, not just to me.”

“I thought you hated my advice,” Merlin retorts, closely watching Arthur’s expressions. Everyone who doesn’t know Arthur that well, would think he’s telling the truth, the complete truth, but Merlin knows. He knows something in Arthur’s expression is off. He’s not necessarily lying, but he’s not telling the complete truth either.

“Usually,” Arthur scoffs. “But unfortunately, sometimes it’s rather useful.”

“And you can’t continue listening to my advice when I’m your manservant, because–” Merlin prompts.

"Why don't you want to become a knight?" Arthur counters. "Higher pay, higher social status. Why would you want to stay my servant?"

Now it’s Merlin’s turn to hesitate. He can’t say his true reasons, can he? He can’t say he doesn’t want anyone else to take care of Arthur, to dress him, undress him, be with him every hour of every day if necessary. Arthur is his to serve. Merlin wants to be the one needed by the king, the one to be in his presence the most.

“I just don’t want to burden anyone else with the task of having to be your servant,” Merlin manages to say instead.

Arthur stares at him. “Idiot,” he says before turning around. “Come on. Training starts.”

With an exasperated sigh, Merlin follows him. He wants to continue joining Arthur everywhere he goes. He needs to. He needs to make sure Arthur is alright. Always. He can’t lose him. He won’t. He’ll make sure he is there when Arthur needs his help , whatever it takes.

oOo

It’s been weeks already since Arthur first offered Merlin knighthood. Weeks where Merlin has been doing his chores as a servant _and_ all the training exercises Arthur makes his knights do.

Merlin complains – Merlin always complains about anything Arthur does, so no surprise there – but he doesn’t decide to end his job as manservant. He doesn’t decide to just become a knight already. Why hasn’t he become a knight already?

These weeks have been pure torture. Merlin in armour is even more attractive than Merlin in his usual getup. And on top of that, Merlin is actually getting pretty good at wielding all the different weapons Arthur makes him learn how to use. And even though he’s seen lots of men, lots of knights, wield all those weapons – expertly even – so many, many times before, there’s something about watching Merlin purposefully swinging a sword to get his opponent on his knees that makes Arthur want the man as his lover, as his consort even more.

Arthur doesn’t train opposite Merlin anymore. He’s certain Merlin would win their fights. Not because his technique is better than Arthur’s – definitely not – but because Arthur would be too enthralled, too distracted by watching Merlin move, watching Merlin know how to use his weapons. It does not help either that Merlin is slowly but surely getting more and more muscular the longer he trains with them – though he’s definitely not noticing that, definitely not, no.

Arthur needs Merlin to become a knight already. He needs it to be socially acceptable to court Merlin. He needs that possibility to court him. He needs a way to convince Merlin to become a knight. Another way, another plan, because the plan of making him join training is clearly not enough to persuade the man.

Maybe he should just order Merlin to accept the knighthood – but knowing him, he would just refuse again and continue showing up to do his manservant duties anyway.

Should he tell Merlin the truth? Should he tell Merlin the reasons why he offered him knighthood. _All_ the reasons? Would that be the way to persuade him?

oOo

The first long trip they make since Merlin started joining the stupid knight’s training and of course they get attacked by bandits. Lots of them. It’s like the universe is begging for Merlin to use his newly acquired skills – even though he doesn’t really need a sword to win a fight, does he? But Arthur and the other knights don’t know that and now he doesn’t have an excuse anymore to run for the trees and covertly use his magic to get the king and his knights out of the most precarious situations. Now, he knows how to fight, so he’s expected to grab the sword out of the scabbard attached to his saddle and fight alongside the king and his knights. Because, yes, Arthur makes Merlin bring a sword now, even though Merlin isn’t a knight. Arthur also wanted Merlin to wear the armour he usually wore during training, but Merlin had drawn the line there. He said he’d bring the sword, but he wasn’t a knight, so he didn’t intend to look like one either.

Merlin manages to knock out a bandit with the hilt of his sword before turning around to get an idea of how everyone else is doing. The knights are scattered amongst the forest path and the surrounding trees, fighting off bandits coming from _everywhere_. The horses ran away from the danger, though apparently they are used to these situations because they’re just standing a little further away, seemingly waiting for their riders to finish fighting and fetch them again.

But where is Arthur?

Merlin flits his gaze from one knight to the next until he finds Arthur farthest away from him, fighting two bandits at once.

Merlin’s instinct to protect Arthur kicks in and he runs towards his king. He’s almost there when one of the bandits brings up an axe to swing it at Arthur. Arthur doesn’t notice, focussed on parrying the other bandit’s attacks. Instinctively Merlin throws out his hand, mutters a few words and flicks the bandit holding the axe away with his magic just as Arthur manages to give the other bandit a fatal blow and turns around to continue the fight with the other bandit. But all he sees is a knocked out bandit against a tree a little farther away, and Merlin with his hand still outstretched.

He quickly drops his arm, but nonetheless Arthur’s gaze travels from Merlin to the knocked-out bandit and back to Merlin several times, again and again, until he stops and just stares at Merlin, eyes wide with shock.

Is he making the connection? Is he realising Merlin used magic to get the bandit away from him?

They stand there like that for what seems like forever, staring at each other, Arthur’s eyes wide with shock, Merlin slowly getting more and more nervous, wondering if he should stay or try and get away. Before he can make a decision, Arthur’s gaze shifts away from Merlin to somewhere over his shoulder. The disbelieving shock on his face changes to a fearful kind.

“ _Merlin_!” Arthur yells and starts running towards him.

Merlin turns to look behind him, to see whatever it is that made Arthur’s attention divert away from him.

He’s distracted by a sharp pain in his side.

He looks down.

An arrow?

There’s an arrow in his flank?

It hurts.

Oh, it hurts a lot.

His knees buckle.

Strong arms catch him before he can hit the ground hard.

Dazed, Merlin looks up, tries to see who caught him.

Arthur.

Arthur caught him.

No more shock in his eyes. Only worry.

Maybe he didn’t see him use magic after all. Arthur must’ve just seen the archer. Yes, that must be it.

“No,” Arthur’s voice is emphasized by a firm tap against his cheek. “Stay awake.”

“‘M tired,” Merlin mumbles.

“I don’t care.” Arthur shakes him a little.

“Ow,” Merlin groans. “That hurts, you clotpole.”

“I told you you should’ve worn your armour.”

“Not a knight. Also, not my armour.”

“No, you’re a sorcerer.”

“What?” Did he just hear that right? Did Arthur call him a sorcerer? Did he make the connection after all?

“Shut up, Merlin. We need to get that arrow out. Leon! Gwaine!”

The last thing Merlin remembers is Leon and Gwaine entering his line of vision and the blinding pain of Arthur pulling the arrow out of his flank.

oOo

Arthur sits on a log about a metre away from Merlin, watching the unconscious man, who definitely used magic to get that bandit away from him, who got shot by an arrow, who has magic, who passed out the moment Arthur pulled the arrow out, who’s a sorcerer, who Arthur should have executed, who Arthur does not want to lose, who Arthur loves.

Oh gods, he’s in love with a sorcerer.

Arthur should feel betrayed. Merlin lied to him. He never told him about his magic. But then again, why would he have? Magic is outlawed in Camelot. Arthur has said several times, in Merlin’s presence even, how magic is evil and could not be trusted.

Arthur was the prince of Camelot when they met, the son of a king who felt so strongly about the evils of magic that he hunted down magic users and magic beings alike. And then Arthur became king, a king who tries his very best to abide by his own laws, who tries to be a fair ruler, a ruler in a land that bans magic, that want’s magic dead.

But if Merlin has magic, then that’s proof not all magic is evil – that, or Merlin is very good at hiding his evil nature, but Arthur doesn’t believe that, he can’t believe that. Merlin is kind and caring and he’s always there for Arthur, for everything he needs. Merlin isn’t evil. Evil doesn’t smile at him like Merlin does. Evil doesn’t put up with Arthur’s complaining and bantering for years and years. No, Merlin can’t be evil.

Arthur watches the slow rise and fall of Merlin’s chest as the man breathes. He’s still unconscious, but at least the bleeding finally stopped.

They’ve made camp a small distance away from the forest path. They didn’t want to move Merlin too much in search for a proper clearing and it’s too late in the day to head back to the castle now. They’ll go back when the new day starts, when, hopefully, Merlin is awake again.

Merlin. What does he have to do with Merlin?

The law states he should execute him. Merlin is a sorcerer, so Merlin should be executed.

But it’s Merlin. Merlin isn’t evil. He’s a sorcerer, but he’s not evil. He’s the man who is always there for Arthur, always by his side.

He needs Merlin to wake up. He needs to talk to him. He needs to hear what Merlin has to say before he makes a decision.

Arthur only knows he does not want to order Merlin’s execution, he really doesn’t.

Merlin might’ve lied to him, not told him about his magic, but he’s _Merlin_. And when Arthur imagines him being executed, his entire mind and body scream ‘no!’.

Arthur can’t execute Merlin.

But– What is he supposed to do then?

oOo

Merlin groans when he wakes up. Why does his side hurt?

He lifts his hand to the spot where it hurts the most. Bandages. There are bandages. Why?

“Easy there,” a voice sounds to his right.

He turns his head towards the sound. Another groan escapes his throat.

He blinks a few times to try and get his sight focused on the speaker.

“Don’t move too much. You got hit by an arrow. The bleeding stopped, but, well, it’s still a serious wound.” Arthur. It’s Arthur’s voice.

An arrow, he says. Hit by an arrow. Right. Hit by an arrow after Arthur stared at him with pure shock in his eyes.

Merlin groans again. This time not because of the pain in his side, but because he remembers Arthur’s expression – he remembers it all too well.

“Can’t you do something about it?” Arthur’s voice sounds way closer now.

Merlin turns to see Arthur merely a few feet away. So close.

“What?” Merlin croaks.

“You know,” Arthur wiggles his fingers, making sure none of the other knights notice.

“No,” Merlin groans after a short silence.

Arthur knows. He definitely knows. He knows about his magic.

“But you have magic,” Arthur speaks in hushed tones. There it is. He knows.

“Not that good at healing magic,” Merlin mutters, not even trying to deny it.

“Can you try?”

“Why? You’re going to execute me anyway.”

Arthur doesn’t react. Merlin closes his eyes again. He just wants to sleep. There’s no pain and no Arthur wanting to execute him in his dreams.

“I don’t want to execute you,” Arthur eventually whispers.

Merlin opens his eyes again to make sure he’s not dreaming. No. Everything looks the same. He’s still awake.

“I don’t want you dead,” Arthur continues. “I don’t want you dead at all.”

“I’ll go back to Ealdor then,” Merlin says. “I’ll get out of Camelot.”

Arthur is silent again, so Merlin lets his eyes fall closed once more. So tired.

“No,” Arthur breaks the short silence, making Merlin open his eyes again.

“No? Then what?” Merlin wonders. He turns his head to look at Arthur. Why does he look so lost? He looks like he doesn’t know what to do, what to think. Why is that?

“Is Merlin awake?” Gwaine’s voice sounds from behind Arthur before he can answer. “Ah, Merlin!” Gwaine enters his line of vision. “You’re up. That’s good. How’re you feeling?”

“It hurts,” Merlin grunts.

“Yes, well, that’s what happens when you get hit by an arrow. You should’ve worn the armour you wear at training.”

Merlin rolls his eyes, remembering Arthur telling him the same thing shortly before he blacked out.

“We’ll get the horses ready to go. Get you to Gaius to get you fixed up.” With a wink at Merlin, Gwaine leaves and ushers the other knights to the horses.

Arthur gets up as well, but only after saying one last thing to Merlin. "Just try."

Merlin watches him go, perplexed by Arthur telling him to use magic to heal himself.

The king of Camelot – Camelot, where magic is outlawed – just told Merlin to heal himself with magic. Maybe he’s dreaming after all.

oOo

Arthur makes sure he’s riding next to Merlin. He makes the other knights ride in front, with the excuse that if they get ambushed, the knights will be able to start fighting their way out of it before the battle gets to Merlin. As to why Arthur is the one riding next to Merlin and not one of the others? Merlin is _his_ manservant. He needs to make sure the man is still fit for duty after this trip. That’s what he told the others at least. He didn’t tell them he wants to ride next to Merlin because he wants to talk to the man without the other knights overhearing, because he wants to make sure he’s still breathing.

“So, did you try?” Arthur asks when there’s enough of a distance between them and the other knights to not be overheard.

When Arthur looks at Merlin, it doesn’t look like anything changed. He looks even paler than usual, there’s a constant look of pain on his face and he has an arm wrapped around his waist in an effort to hold himself still – which is no easy feat while riding a horse.

“Yes,” Merlin replies, his voice strained.

“And?” Arthur prompts when Merlin doesn’t tell him the outcome.

Merlin shrugs and winces, realising shrugging is not a good idea. “What does it even matter? What are you going to do to me when we’re back in Camelot?”

“When we’re back in Camelot, we’re getting you to Gaius and he is going to fix you up.”

“And then?”

“And then we’re going to figure this out.”

“While I’m in the dungeons I guess?”

“No.”

“No?” Merlin repeats, managing a confused look on his face, though it’s barely recognisable through the pain. “What is going on with you? You’re the king of Camelot. Camelot, where sorcery is banned and sorcerers get executed. You found me out. You should have me executed.”

“I am going to do my very best to keep you alive,” Arthur snaps, tired of Merlin assuming he is going to have him executed. He can’t lose Merlin. He’s not going to have him executed. “I care about you, I know you and you’re _not_ evil. So when you’re better, you’re going to explain _everything_ to me, starting from why you never told me to every good thing magic can do.”

“You care about me?” Merlin asks full of surprise.

“ _That’s_ what you got out of that?” Arthur shakes his head with a sigh, trying to hide his embarrassment of letting that slip.

After several moments of silence – only broken by a couple of painful grunts from Merlin – Merlin speaks again, his voice soft. “I wanted to tell you–”

“But?” Arthur prompts when Merlin doesn’t continue.

“I thought you’d have my head chopped off.”

“I’m not sure what I would’ve done,” Arthur admits after a short while of contemplating his answer.

It’s true. He isn’t. If he found out about Merlin’s magic when his father was still alive, then maybe it would’ve been true, he’d have Merlin executed. But now– Now, Merlin isn’t just his manservant, or a sorcerer, he’s also the man Arthur does not ever want to lose, the man he fell in love with.

Merlin hums an understanding. “I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

“That’s what worried you?”

Merlin shrugs and winces – once again forgetting it’s best he doesn’t shrug.

“We’ll talk later,” Arthur wraps up the conversation. Merlin should save his strength. They still have a while to go before they reach the castle, before they can get to Gaius. And Merlin must not be feeling well at all, because all he does is nod. Arthur hopes they make it to Gaius in time.

oOo

Arthur keeps saying he doesn’t intend to have him executed. But he has to. It’s the law. Arthur is a king who abides by his own laws. He should have Merlin executed. Sorcerers are executed. Merlin is a sorcerer and he’s been found out.

But Arthur says he’s going to do his very best to keep Merlin alive. How? Why? He said he cares about him. Is that why?

Merlin turns to look at Arthur. Turning hurts. Moving hurts. Breathing hurts. Everything hurts. It hurts way more than he expected an arrow wound to hurt.

Arthur is riding next to him, his gaze on the road ahead, a determined look on his face. But worried as well? What is he thinking? What is he doing? What will he do to him?

How far is Camelot still? How long does he have to sit on this horse?

He doesn’t know how much time passes. He only knows his side hurts, everything hurts, more and more and more with every step they take.

It becomes too much.

“Arthur.” The name spills from his lips without thinking, right before everything goes black.

oOo

Arthur hears Merlin utter his name and when he turns to look he sees Merlin lose consciousness. His hold on the reins slackens and he starts to slip out of his saddle.

Arthur does not know how he manages to do it, but he’s off of his horse and next to Merlin’s in no time, guiding Merlin from the saddle to the ground, saving him from a hard fall.

“Merlin,” he yells, trying to get him awake again. He slaps his cheeks a couple of times, shakes him. Nothing works. “Merlin!”

“What happened?” Leon sounds next to him.

“He passed out,” Arthur answers, unable to keep the panic out of his voice. He does not dare take his eyes off Merlin. Merlin, who is in his arms, just like Isolde was in Tristan’s arms. This can’t be happening. It can’t be. Merlin cannot die. Is he still breathing? Arthur puts his hand on Merlin’s chest. Up and down and up and down. He’s breathing. It feels laboured, but he’s breathing. He’s still alive. He needs to stay alive. Arthur can’t lose Merlin. He just can’t. “We need to get him to Gaius. Now.” How can he do that? How can he get Merlin to Gaius? Merlin is unconscious. He can’t ride his horse. Arthur could carry him. No, they’re too far away still to walk.

“We’ll get him on your horse,” Leon breaks through Arthur’s despair.

“What?” is all Arthur manages to say. He’s aware of how his mind is unable to come up with solutions, but he can’t help it, all he can think is that Merlin can’t die. He can’t lose Merlin. He needs Merlin alive. He needs Merlin by his side. He needs Merlin.

“We’ll help get Merlin on your horse. You can take him to Gaius like that.” When Arthur still doesn’t move, Leon gives him an order. “Get on your horse.”

But getting on his horse means letting go of Merlin and Arthur does not want to let go of Merlin. In his arms, Arthur can feel Merlin’s warmth, Merlin’s breathing, he can feel that Merlin is still alive. If he lets go of Merlin, he’s unable to know for sure.

“Sire,” Leon’s stern voice sounds again. “You’ll only be able to save him if you get him to Gaius as quickly as possible. Sitting here won’t help anyone. So, get on your horse. We’ll help Merlin on as well and we’ll ride for Camelot as fast as we can. Understood?”

“Right, yes, of course.” Arthur reluctantly lets go of Merlin, hands him over to Leon and stands up. Leon is right. Sitting here won’t help anyone. He needs to get Merlin to Gaius. He needs Gaius to save Merlin. Merlin needs to be saved. Merlin needs to live. And for Merlin to live, Arthur has to get himself in the saddle and ride for Camelot, bring Merlin to Camelot, bring Merlin to Gaius.

Leon and Gwaine lift the unconscious – but still breathing – Merlin onto the horse so he’s hanging over the horse right in front of Arthur’s saddle.

They hop onto their own horses before Leon says, “Let’s go.” And they ride for Camelot as fast as they can, as fast as Arthur can without Merlin falling off the horse.

oOo

Merlin wakes up to the sound of glass vials clinking against each other. He’s on a bed. He does not remember getting to a bed. He remembers riding a horse.

His side still hurts though.

There’s something warm covering his left hand. What is that?

Merlin manages to open his eyes enough to look at the source of the warmth on his hand.

Arthur is sitting next to the bed, holding his hand. Why is Arthur holding his hand?

“Merlin,” his king says as soon as he notices Merlin’s eyes are open. Does he sound relieved? “Gaius, he’s awake,” he calls out to the other side of the room. Merlin turns his head to the direction Arthur is looking, to Gaius holding two glass vials in his hands, which he immediately puts down and hurries over.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Woozy,” Merlin answers.

“That’s to be expected. How’s the pain?”

“Painful.”

“Stop trying to be funny, boy.”

Merlin manages a grin through the pain, through the distracting presence of Arthur’s hand on his. “What happened?”

“The arrow was poisoned,” Arthur answers. “It’s what caused you to deteriorate so fast.”

“Huh,” Merlin hums. That confirms his suspicion that an arrow wound shouldn’t be _that_ painful.

“The poison should be out of your system now, but you might still feel a bit dizzy for a while,” Gaius says. “Lots of rest,” he continues, looking pointedly at both Merlin and Arthur before he saunters off to his workbench again.

“You’re taking that knighthood,” Arthur says when Gaius is working again.

“No, I told you–” Merlin starts.

“You told me you didn’t want to be a knight because you didn’t care for being pummeled to the ground with various weapons during training. You’re doing training anyway. You can very well take the knighthood then.”

“I still don’t want to be a knight,” Merlin mutters.

“Why not?” Arthur sighs, exasperated. “It’d be half the work you’re doing now.”

“I’m your manservant.”

“I’ll get another.”

“I don’t want you to get another.”

“Gods, Merlin,” Arthur sighs. “You’re being knighted as soon as you’re better.”

Merlin is silent for a moment, contemplating his following words. “Why knight me when you’re supposed to have me executed?” he asks softly. He both does and does not want to know the answer. What if Arthur changed his mind? What if he didn’t want to do his very best to keep him alive anymore? What if it was just a hallucination, caused by the poison, the pain? But then again, he’s not imagining Arthur’s hand clasped over his, is he? Involuntarily his gaze travels towards their joint hands.

Arthur notices, because he suddenly pulls his hand back. Merlin misses the warmth immediately. He doesn’t dare glance up at Arthur’s face, afraid of what he might see there.

“Gods, you’re an idiot,” Arthur mutters. That is not something Merlin expected, so he ends up looking at Arthur anyway. The king rubs his eyes before running his hand through his hair. “I wanted to wait until you’re better before talking about all this,” he gestures vaguely. “But I guess we’re doing this now.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I was surprised, shocked, when I realised you have magic. I was hurt because you didn’t tell me. But I understand why you didn’t. Why would you, when I was first prince and now king of a kingdom where magic is outlawed? I do wish you felt safe enough around me to trust me with your secret. But–” He takes another deep breath, making Merlin once again fear what’s coming. “I don’t want to lose you Merlin. You’ve come to mean so much to me, I can’t imagine life without you. I want you to be a knight, not only because you deserve it, but also because I wanted it to be socially acceptable to ask for your permission to court you.”

Arthur looks down, unable to look Merlin in the eyes.

Merlin’s jaw drops and all he can do is stare at Arthur. Did he just hear that right? Does Arthur want to court him? As in, he wants to show the entire kingdom he’s in love with Merlin, his manservant, a man, not a woman?

“I’ll accept the knighthood then,” Merlin blurts out, causing Arthur to look up at him, startled, and causing himself to blush for basically admitting he wants to be courted by Arthur. “On one condition though,” he manages to continue through his embarrassment.

“Anything,” Arthur promptly promises, making Merlin chuckle for a moment.

“I’m the only one who gets to see you naked,” he mumbles quickly, getting the words out as quickly as possible. “Only me, not even your new manservant. I’ll help you get dressed and bathed even when I’m a knight if that’s what it takes.”

“Merlin, are you jealous?” Arthur teases.

“Shut up.”

“Did you just tell me to shut up?”

“Yes, what about it?”

Arthur laughs.

“Deal,” he says when he’s done laughing, though the grin still left on his face soon falters as he hesitates to say something else. “I’d like to kiss you,” he eventually blurts out.

“Gods, yes,” Merlin breathes and Arthur leans down with a renewed grin to place his lips against Merlin’s. Arthur’s hand wraps around Merlin’s again and even through the dizziness and the pain in his side, Merlin feels happiness spread warmth through his entire body.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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